"Right a left a ma?" asked the auto driver
Uh oh! Now which is right? Eeeeks.. I was almost hyper ventilating!
"Enna ma.. right-a left-a?"
"umm.. err.. adu.. adu.."I stammered, while the auto driver tried to slow down in a extremely busy Anna street in Thiruvanmiyur. If I didn't come up with the right way soon, we were going to be hit, either physically or verbally. Twenty pairs of eyes were trained on the auto, framing the choicest abuses in the worst possible way, while the auto-driver himself was glaring at me, a little baffled. He might be thinking what happened to me, since I looked perfectly normal when I got into it. Little does he know my problem! Sigh!
Tension rising every minute, I quickly kept the bags in the auto seat, and took out my hands, identified the right, right hand and pointed to the driver.
"Idu anna. Right" Phewwwwwww! At last!
Yeah.. that is me! I'm the most directionally handicapped person you can ever meet in your lifetime. (Pray to god, he never produces any more specimens like me, even after your lifetime). I've always found it difficult to point out right / left when someone asks me. I have to use my hands all the time. I take out my hands, look at them, mentally figure out the one used mostly, the right one, then take the other one, which obviously has to the left one,(How lucky, we have only two hands!!) and then point out to the person who asked me the fated question, only to find them in a half-slumber already. So I simply wake them up, and tell them the right way. :D
Thats why I call myself directionally handicapped, coz without my hands I'm lost! :P
Now, not only this. I have another problem. I cannot remember any routes, even if I've been through that route 100 times. Say, even if it is a simple, straight, then this way and that way and again this way(Oops, I was again using my hands to point out.. Wait, till I figure out which way...2 mins later.. yeah, so where we we..) So even if it is a simple straight, then right, and left and again right, I need to ask at least three people, keep track of their hands, and memorize the way they move pointing directions, to find my way there. It is such a sorry state of affairs, that my friends know I can get lost soon. :|
I'll tell you one such incident that happened. I and my friend were off to Ega theatre to watch 'Jab we met' and were on our way back at around 9 or so in the night. Now we had to reach our hostel before 10, else had to be ready to face a 2-hr long torture from our hostel-owner who was always on the lookout to murder people with his supposedly 'intelligent lectures'. (Rumour was that he used to be a favorite of the torture chamber wardens in some unknown country until he killed one of their own with his favorite topic.. Brrr. Scary na! I know!)So coming back to the story, we were trying hard to find our way through the traffic and reach on time. Suddenly my friend remembered another way (she still says it is the same route we used while going to the theatre, though I'm not so sure), and we raced towards it. We reached a junction pretty soon, and my friend asked me, which way we had to take now. (Blunder! I tell ya, the worst she could make.. err.. she knows that now though). In the hurry and tension, I blurted out something, and she took it for 'Right'. She again asked me if she was sure, and I was!! I was soo sure it was 'Right'. But after a few more turns, at around 9.40, we were back at the same junction. And then we realized, we were wrong. (I was obviously wrong, and she was wrong, coz she trusted me with such an important info :P). Now, this time she took the decision, and in no time, we reached another junction, and then she said.'From here only, we took right, not that one. Guess, you were confused"
To which I replied. "Oh.. so this is not the same one? It is another junction?"
Her eyes popped out to such a worst extent, that I had already trained my glasses to check the roads if they had popped out of the eyeballs. Recovering from the shock, she raced to our hostel, and we reached in record time, barely missing the torture chamber. Pheww!
And after that day, never has anyone trusted me to know any way or any direction.
I'm pretty sure this is no silly thing, and is a very rare disease that only the best minds get, but still my friends do not seem to believe me. So, this is my request to you all, if you find any information about this disease, please feel free to contact me.
Note: Nami you are a dudette! :D :D
Showing posts with label lolz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lolz. Show all posts
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Monday, March 23, 2009
Meeting at 2.00 PM : An analysis
First the presenter of the session , grudgingly comes into the conference room cursing his superior for having punished him so severely. He tests the computer and the projector system in the room, trying his best to break them in some way that he may be able to cancel the session with that as a reason.
Right at that time, some sincere, always on-time employees trickle in, with sombre faces (They are mostly called rhinos in their team according to the team nomenclature, though the fact that they do not know the name is kept a secret – This is one genre of species who can be easily be mistaken for some wax statues or the well-dressed expressionless person who stands in front of the VGP, while all the others around him try their best to make him laugh). The new junior who joins them has just had a heavy lunch and is ready to resume the next journey to the heaven of slumber. He thinks this is a brilliant opportunity which should never be missed. The sullen experienced worker, having been pushed by his superior just wishes the projector falls on top of the presenter, as he checks if it is working.
Then a group of people half talking, half laughing come in after 10 mins. They are already 10 mins late, but then, they are the superiors if you don’t mind. They are supposed be late. Ya, you guessed right. They are the Chief guests in this case. They come there dawdling, trying hard to remember what the topic for the session is. The presenter smiles at the Chief of all, wincing in his mind and cursing him, while the group of solemn people, just look on. All this while the Chief in the group is racking his brains, to find who this stupid guy is, who is smiling so benevolently at him. Most of the people other than the juniors there recognize that glazed expression very well, but do not offer to help him in any way. All they feel like doing is throwing him out of the window, for sending out an invite for this dratted session and then forgetting all about it, though he never seems to forget the name of the new attractive new joinee in the team.
After all these pleasantries are over, the session starts and then like a tube light, the light comes on in the Chief’s brain, and he remembers the session and the presenter when he sees the first slide. He surely does not miss the opportunity to show that he found out all about this just by himself, by making such a poor joke on the topic that even the wax structures sitting there, make one of their eyebrows twitch for a second, appalled at his ability to make such a poor joke. And then the presenter starts rambling on the topic, God-knows-what, with a few words in English and a lot of jargon in the quintessential geek language, for which the wax statues alone nod their heads while the Chief tries hard to keep his head from falling off. The new junior is already into his second stage of REM and leaves a short series of snores that the wax statues assume are different ways of showing approval for the session. The superiors try to make most of the time, by watching all the fun, though two of them also slowly get lured by the irresistible temptation of disturbance-less slumber. By around 2.30 all the blood in their body rushes to their stomach trying to digest the big load of food that each of them had taken, and slowly and after yawing heavily, each one succumbs to the sleep that engulfs them. All this while the presenter rambles on and on, until the whole team is but falling off their seats and the wax statue’s heads are almost on the verge of falling off their heads due to excessive nodding for each jargon the presenter uses.
At last, after about an hour the presenter reaches the last slide that has the most dangerous missile in the techy world. ‘? Questions’. He says, ‘Ya. So any questions?’ . That becomes the wake-up call for all the team members who slowly arise from the deep slumber praising the presenter for doing a good job in the lullaby a.k.a session he just took. But at the fourth word they all gawk at each other, like hens trapped inside a basket. In the meantime, somebody nudges the Chief and he awakes to find a whole team gaping at him. He slowly turns his head to the white board and finds that terrifying symbol ‘?’ staring at him. But being a person who has met many such odds in the long sloppy journey to the present position, he faces the challenge by talking about something which not even remotely related to the topic the way Harbhajan is of hugging Andrew Symonds, or Aishwarya Rai is to acting. Everyone just continues to gape at him awe-struck at his foolishness, while he revels in all the attention. After a few more minutes of extreme torture the group slowly starts shifting their positions to indicate that they have had enough. The new junior now awake and alert is also ready to move on. The wax statues are on the verge of becoming human. Sensing danger the Chief formally declares the end of the session. And the group slowly disperses. The wax statues eagerly move on to continue their interrupted work, the chief to continue his ogling.
And so a session comes to an end!
Right at that time, some sincere, always on-time employees trickle in, with sombre faces (They are mostly called rhinos in their team according to the team nomenclature, though the fact that they do not know the name is kept a secret – This is one genre of species who can be easily be mistaken for some wax statues or the well-dressed expressionless person who stands in front of the VGP, while all the others around him try their best to make him laugh). The new junior who joins them has just had a heavy lunch and is ready to resume the next journey to the heaven of slumber. He thinks this is a brilliant opportunity which should never be missed. The sullen experienced worker, having been pushed by his superior just wishes the projector falls on top of the presenter, as he checks if it is working.
Then a group of people half talking, half laughing come in after 10 mins. They are already 10 mins late, but then, they are the superiors if you don’t mind. They are supposed be late. Ya, you guessed right. They are the Chief guests in this case. They come there dawdling, trying hard to remember what the topic for the session is. The presenter smiles at the Chief of all, wincing in his mind and cursing him, while the group of solemn people, just look on. All this while the Chief in the group is racking his brains, to find who this stupid guy is, who is smiling so benevolently at him. Most of the people other than the juniors there recognize that glazed expression very well, but do not offer to help him in any way. All they feel like doing is throwing him out of the window, for sending out an invite for this dratted session and then forgetting all about it, though he never seems to forget the name of the new attractive new joinee in the team.
After all these pleasantries are over, the session starts and then like a tube light, the light comes on in the Chief’s brain, and he remembers the session and the presenter when he sees the first slide. He surely does not miss the opportunity to show that he found out all about this just by himself, by making such a poor joke on the topic that even the wax structures sitting there, make one of their eyebrows twitch for a second, appalled at his ability to make such a poor joke. And then the presenter starts rambling on the topic, God-knows-what, with a few words in English and a lot of jargon in the quintessential geek language, for which the wax statues alone nod their heads while the Chief tries hard to keep his head from falling off. The new junior is already into his second stage of REM and leaves a short series of snores that the wax statues assume are different ways of showing approval for the session. The superiors try to make most of the time, by watching all the fun, though two of them also slowly get lured by the irresistible temptation of disturbance-less slumber. By around 2.30 all the blood in their body rushes to their stomach trying to digest the big load of food that each of them had taken, and slowly and after yawing heavily, each one succumbs to the sleep that engulfs them. All this while the presenter rambles on and on, until the whole team is but falling off their seats and the wax statue’s heads are almost on the verge of falling off their heads due to excessive nodding for each jargon the presenter uses.
At last, after about an hour the presenter reaches the last slide that has the most dangerous missile in the techy world. ‘? Questions’. He says, ‘Ya. So any questions?’ . That becomes the wake-up call for all the team members who slowly arise from the deep slumber praising the presenter for doing a good job in the lullaby a.k.a session he just took. But at the fourth word they all gawk at each other, like hens trapped inside a basket. In the meantime, somebody nudges the Chief and he awakes to find a whole team gaping at him. He slowly turns his head to the white board and finds that terrifying symbol ‘?’ staring at him. But being a person who has met many such odds in the long sloppy journey to the present position, he faces the challenge by talking about something which not even remotely related to the topic the way Harbhajan is of hugging Andrew Symonds, or Aishwarya Rai is to acting. Everyone just continues to gape at him awe-struck at his foolishness, while he revels in all the attention. After a few more minutes of extreme torture the group slowly starts shifting their positions to indicate that they have had enough. The new junior now awake and alert is also ready to move on. The wax statues are on the verge of becoming human. Sensing danger the Chief formally declares the end of the session. And the group slowly disperses. The wax statues eagerly move on to continue their interrupted work, the chief to continue his ogling.
And so a session comes to an end!
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