I'm an actor! (Short story)

Sometimes life is strange! I just can't understand it. You feel you'll never make it anywhere, and suddenly you get an opportunity to make it big. Right there, out of nowhere that faint ray of hope enlarges into a big tunnel to your ambitions. And then when you have travelled a long way, with a lot of hope and happiness, you find out that the tunnel actually ends in a cliff! A very deep cliff! That is where I'm right now! At the edge, on the verge of falling into this abyss! All my hard work and effort are going to go down the drain. Aaaaargh! I can't believe it! How can this happen to me! And why should it happen to me at all?

In the beginning I wasn't making it. I knew that. I was nowhere in this wide ocean, and was swimming against the tide. I was a mere drop in the vast ocean. But you have to agree, I worked on it. I worked like hell on everything, right from my face, to my body language, accent, on every damn part of me, till I got it right! Till I could be called a decent actor! And I did make it big, didn't I! Weren't there papers that called me the next face of cinema?!

But now.. now that my fourth movie didn't make money, they want to blame it on me? What about the faulty script? The drab screenplay? Who the hell is that critic to blame it on me? What the hell does he know about acting, anyway??Does he know the grueling practice sessions, the acting school hardships? All he knows is to watch movies for free, happily sitting in a special couch and write the crap that he is asked to, depending on the amount he is paid by you-know-who! Critic he calls himself! Bah!

Acting! Acting is an art! I know.. I know it is the most clichéd line, but you have to accept it, that it is a fact! Acting Is an Art! Period!!

It is not just wearing the grease paint and going there and enacting the part given to you. You have to understand the soul of the character. You have to get under the skin of the character. Understand the layers of role. The emotions, the reactions.. everything. You have to keep digging into it, until.. until you just become the character! Yes! That is it! You just start living the role! If he laughs, you feel happy, if he is sad, you cry! If he has OCD, you wash your hands 5 times. If he gets hurt, it pains you. Yes, it is no longer him. He is you! An actor lives so many lives in his lifetime, people don't understand. It is difficult for others to understand. You stand on the stage with the limelight on you, hundreds of faces turned towards you, looking at each move, and then you understand what it is to be an actor!

What do people know?

And now.. now it pains. It is like some acid that is trickling down my throat. I can feel it burning every cell that it comes in contact with. My whole body is aching. It is like some poison running through my veins. I can feel its course over my body. Slowly it is spreading all over. Slowly.. very slowly. My eyes.. they are getting hazy. Eyelids are heavy.... My whole body is on fire. I cannot.. cannot take it anymore..

******

"Hey! Where is Vaibhav?"
"That weirdo? He said he was going to do a final rehearsal. Look in that room, he must be mumbling to himself.. it was a monologue."
"Ah.. there he is! Some rehearsal lying on the floor! Idiot!"

Paradise!

Green.. green.. green.. That is the only colour that i'm seeing everywhere right now. How ever did God make this place sooooooo green? Uh.. I'm being so abrupt .. I'm talking about God's own country here! Reached here on Saturday and I'm in awe right from the moment I stepped out of the train. Whoa!

Pure air. When I breathe, I feel as though I'm breathing for the first time in my life! It is so refreshing. All around the place is so flush with greenery, I can hardly see brown earth under it. And RAINS! It is like God is watering his plants. It just leaves the whole place so clean, pure, and again greener. To think that I was born in such a paradise and I'm having to stay in a concrete jungle faaar away from here, really disheartens me! :(


Everytime we were driving somewhere I felt I was going into some paradise. There were canals after every 200ms. And the water seemed to flow like some melody, softly gushing below the bridges, whispering to the nature, the secret of their beauty! It was magic! :D

There was a peace about the whole place that beheld me.There was the usual pace, but it didn't seem like anyone was as preoccupied and in a hurry. I could just go to the next room and experience solitude like I've never felt before. It was bliss.

Sigh! I want to go there again now.

Rant Karo Ji Rant!

How is it that some things happen only to me? Like on a Friday I leave early.. which is 7PM from office only to find that the bus to my place is late. And also that I'm the only one waiting for that bus that day, which usually is brimming with ppl by 6.55. :

What does the Rain god have against me? I really need to know. Saturday I dont wash anything and the Sun shines down on my head trying to sap out all energy out of me. Sunday I wash all clothes, including a jean and it gets cloudy even before I finish washing. Worse, if God Varuna forgets his job when I wash, the crows are already there with their stomachs full and waiting for me to dry my clothes! Aaargh! Are there any crow-repellent washing powders here?

How in the hell did my dentist find a place in Perambur, all the way down in Perambur, I mean.. so damn far in Perambur. No wait, how the hell, did I find a dentist who is soooo damn far away in Perambur? Wait.. who found out this place called Perambur? No wait.. who ever found out braces? or better dentists? or bad teeth?.. I can go on and on... (gaye kaam se.. is baar sachi mein pagal ban gayi :'( )

Tomorrow is Monday! Sigh!

Just a moment!

It is early in the morning, with a low mist hanging all around. The sun lazily peeps through the clouds, while the dew drops glisten on the leaves. Flowers are slowly opening their petals welcoming the morning. It seems as though they are stretching themselves after a restful sleep. The sky is painted in a number of hues, as the Sun starts its journey for the day. And you sit there with a steaming cup of coffee, admiring the works of nature. A moment of absolute bliss, wouldn’t you say?

There are so many such moments that we come across in our lives. Some moments just pass by like a fraction of a second, while some linger on as though they are forever. Some are happy, some are sad, some embarassing, some light, some heavy, some unforgettable, some most-forgettable. Some completely unimaginable. But our whole existense itself is a confluence of these umpteen moments that we experience unaware of its significance.

Ever thought of the moment when you first balanced yourself on the bicycle, and rode with no-worries on the empty road, without hitting any cows, with the wind in your hair, and a song on your lips? Ever thought of that moment when you were able to blow ‘the biggest’ bubble among your friends, though the bubble burst all over your face, and you were left trying to figure out your nose under the sticky gum? Think back for a second, the moment when you stayed late night just to see India win against Pakistan, and you got a nice piece of lecture from your father for shouting in the middle of the night? That moment when the grandma you helped cross the road gave you a smile that could lit up the darkest streets? That moment in school when the guy/girl you had a crush on smiled at you, inspite of that pimple on your cheek? That moment when you scored the highest in the class when you thought you were going to fail in that subject? That moment when it rained and the exams got cancelled when you were not well prepared and it was your weakest subject?… Such moments are what it is all about!

In this journey of life, we have had some of the best moments we ever had. Most of them are so magical, they’ll remain etched in our hearts forever. I’m sure each of you have had at least one such moment that took your breath away, amde your heart skip a beat, amd made you feel like you were on the top of the world! Of course we all had sad moments, but those pass by. We don’t let them linger long, and spoil the rest of the enchanting moments that are waiting for us to be e
experienced.

So live each moment like it is a gift, it is a surprise waiting to be revealed, like an expression that needs to be expressed. Live it! It is just a moment!

Philosophers of my life!

Looooong ago, so long that it was like 200 BC, Revs had tagged me with a meme, ‘Philosphers of my life meme’. This was so long back that everyone nearly forgot what it was all about, but I’m here to refresh ur memories and bring this great meme back(This also proves how good my memory is, coz I didn’t forget abt the meme, and also how I make it a point, not to disappoint ppl who tag me.. :P.. small hints are not my forte at all)

Okie, so coming to the point, who are the philosophers of my life? Umm…err.. now that is quite a good question! I’ve not completed even a quarter century in my life to say that these people have helped me and guided my throughout my life, and hence they are the real philosophers of my life, but then, heck, all that I did live till now was a life wasn’t it. So there have to be some people who taught me some things, right? So here goes the list of ppl who tried to put some substance in those grey cells up in my cranium.

My Dentist:
Now, he came in really late in my life, just about one year back, but I’ve learnt quite a number of things by visiting him once in 3-4 weeks, sometimes even twice a month. He taught me the advantages of keeping quiet, and shutting up, when he put the dratted bite-plate in my mouth. From an incessant chatter box, I turned into an apostle of silence. My understandng and respect for sign-languages increased exponentially, and I must say I could’ve won any Dumb-C competition at that period of time, coz I was just a champion in sign-languages then. So, though he incapacitated me verbally, he was the main reason behind my effective utilization of my motor controls.(Gee, I didn’t know I could make this seem so nice.. sigh!) And coming to the next wonderful aspect of my dentist is that he taught me the concept of endurance and patience. Now these are ‘The’ most important traits anyone should have. Every time I opened my mouth wide and let him hammer/pluck/whatever my teeth, knowing very well, how bady it was going to pain, I was slowly improving my patience and endurance. I’ve become soo damn patient now, that even if even Mr. Advani tries to sing ‘Aadiye kollude’ or say ‘Om-Shanti-Om’ I would just sit there quietly letting him finish, without a sound, smiling throughout the ordeal.

My Shuttle driver:
Now this guy has always awed me. Even if there is just an inch of space between two MTC buses, he has always managed to get our shuttle through it with all of us alive! Now that is quite an achivement according to me. Another interesting aspect of this man, is that he just cannot let other vehicles ride in peace if they are infront of him. He effectively utilises the horn, and the accelator and sees to it, that there is no one who can race with our shuttle. Now, that takes the competetive spirit, I tell ya. The fact that towards the end of the journey all of us inside the vehicles are all disheveled, dizzy, and goggle-eyed is no letting-down for him. I personally think he should be in some racing sport rather than waste his talents as a shuttle-driver . Maybe he could even teach Narain Karthikeyan a thing or two. Well, now tell me has anyone ever been able to teach you how precious life is, and how every moment is a great experience? You might’ve heard many sermons and lectures on this, but I tell ya, no one better than our shuttle driver can teach you this essential lesson of life. As for all those who ask me what happened, or where did you hit urself, when I come out of the shuttle, Hmph! you’d never know what it is to be on a roller-coaster shuttle, even if you went to Veega land/Queensland/Whatever-land!

EB People:
They really have taught me that life is never a bed of roses. Heck! Life is never a bed-with-a-working-fan-on-top-of-it, forget roses! Whenever I felt like just dropping onto the bed, and relieving my tired self, that had worked itself to the maximum, the EB people see to it, that the power goes of, only in our house. Now how this dratted piece of luck, works for me, I’ve no idea. But again, endurance and patience and also the art of staying awake the whole night, were precious lessons I learnt from these connoisseurs of electricity. They have also been the inspiration for learning the most-difficult art of tackling mosquitoes.Other than that one, there is this art of listening-to-barking-dogs in the silence of the night(silence, except for buzzing of mosquitoes), and deciphering what great concept of life they are discussing in the middle of the night! Such great lessons were taught only by these great people, and I’ll be forever indebted to them.

The Crow (now I’m presuming there is no hard-and-fast rule that philosophers must be humans):
Now if there is a non-human who has always held my attention other than ‘kozhi’s obviously, it is The Crow. Perserverance is one thig, but being able to make me wash all my white or light-coloured clothes at least twice, has been the main aim of this bird. Not sure if it is the same one that always manages to ruin my dresses by doing you-know-what on them, or is it a whole gang which take turns to teach me the virtue of perseverance. But they do make a good job of it. Even if it is just a chiffon dupatta that takes something like 30 mins to get dried, they manage to ruin it before I take it off the clothes-line. Maybe they just want my clothes to be extra-white, and want me on the Rin-supreme ad next, whatever, but yeah.. I’ve learnt this, that however well you wash your clothes, there is always some way you can wash them better. Really Mr. Crow, if not for you, I really wouldn’t have learnt this invaluable lesson.

Okie, there was the mock-list to make this post a little humourous, but seriously I have no particular list of people who are the philosophers of my life. Everyone I’ve come across has taught me some invaluable lesson, be it humility, courage, sensibleness or just being nice. I feel each and everyone out there has something special and so good that we can take away, and I’ve always made it a point to learn something from everyone I’ve come across. So all of them, whom I know, are Philosophers of my life!

Work! nahiiiiiiiiii !!!

I've been working like a dog for the last 2 months( ok.. guys who know me, might say.. this fool says this all the time, but hey.. this time it really is like a dog!!! Believe me.. ), and today when "the work" is getting over, and I've planned the best weeekend after some 2 - 3 months, comes the .. the worst statement.. work this weekend tooo!!!!!!!!!!!! How outrageous!! Do those supposedly high-and-mighty clients even think that it is human beings who work here??? They just like that advance or postpone the release dates with the flick of an eye, and we idiots here are the scapegoats! Hmph! Just wish I could make one of those clients face the Chennai heat for once! Or probably make him watch some Vijay's movie.. He sure won't survive that!! Ha!

One good thing about the work was that I splurged.. well.. to be more exact I splurged on books :D And so, whenever I get into those cranky moods I read one of those precious gems and I'm back to form. But hey, my account also has a limit! I can't just go on book-buying sprees like this!

One of my team mates has this cute little girl's photo on his desk, and whenever he calls me to ask a doubt I get so absorbed staring at the cute girl, I mostly miss out on the doubt. :P Well, good books and little children lift my spirits high! They are the most innocent creatures on earth, and spread so much happiness, that my best idea of heaven would be where no one is an adult! Everyone is a kid full of innocence, unblemished with any of the vices that rule this material world!

Worst part, very soon, I'm going to left with just 2 ppl whom I can ping any crap I feel like.. earlier there were four, recently one quit, and now so is the other. I used to feel so relieved talking to these ppl, but sigh! they have their own careers to take care of, not everyone is an idiot like me. Umm.. coming to think of it, I never really know if they did mind me pinging all kinds of nonsense, which is mostly ranting like now. Err.. what do i say.. __________

Well, i gotta go now, so much for ranting.. lately my blog has become such a stress-reliever space, I feel so much like a character in those soaps, where the bahu using like one galloon of glycerine!

Ciao!

Levels of Privacy!

I never thought that levels of privacy were low in my office, till I found these two ladies, who find the rest room the best place to talk. And talk, they do alright! They talk irrespective of whether they are inside or outside! : Now when you are in dire need to go to the restroom, trust me, it is quite unsettling to see, one lady shouting at the top of her voice at a restroom.. even worse to see that someone answers her back from inside it! :O And when they are not inside ( both of them ofcourse), you better not be in the vicinity, coz they keep enacting whatever just happened in their teams, and once almost mauled me in the vigour of it all! So much for going to rest rooms!!!



Coming to levels of privacy. Some people just overdo it! There is this one guy who sits next to our team, who feels it is everyones' basic right to know what is going on in his life. Right from when his wife got pregnant, and what stage the baby is, to why his wife thinks he is flirting with some girl( who that loony is, I've no idea. But believe me, she should be featured in AXN's Believe it or not, as soon as she is found!!) nothing is hidden from us. Perhaps he thinks he is really great that he is such a happening person! : The worst part is when he gets up from his seat, and takes in a 180 degree view of the whole module, to check if everyone got it all in, and then walks of with a smirk on his face!! : :O But trust me, he did make me go HA HA HA, when I saw my manager cringe after one of his monologues on the phone! :P I wonder if there is someone on the other end of the line. Hmm.. maybe next time we should check that out!



The team that sits nearby is quite a find, for it has one guy who laughs exactly like a 'Rakshas'-with-a-stomach-ache. He has no work for sure, coz he always has a group of equally jobless folks, and starts narrating his best lectures (mostly politics, or his previous manager, or how his 'periyamma and chittappa eloped.. bleaah). Worst part comes when he starts laughing though! He goes 'HUAHAAHAHAHA HUAAHAHA' and we all go covering behind our desks, evading the thermacol and other stuff that starts to fall on us! Must say, if ever Ramanand or B.R Films saw this guy, they'll pack him up for their next mythological serial/soap. He will sure do Kamsa/ Ravana proud. Maybe he'll even start a training class later for all the other 'rakshas' actors. Phew! Avenues of growth have never been any better, so has never been my imagination ! :P :P

Meeting at 2.00 PM : An analysis

First the presenter of the session , grudgingly comes into the conference room cursing his superior for having punished him so severely. He tests the computer and the projector system in the room, trying his best to break them in some way that he may be able to cancel the session with that as a reason.

Right at that time, some sincere, always on-time employees trickle in, with sombre faces (They are mostly called rhinos in their team according to the team nomenclature, though the fact that they do not know the name is kept a secret – This is one genre of species who can be easily be mistaken for some wax statues or the well-dressed expressionless person who stands in front of the VGP, while all the others around him try their best to make him laugh). The new junior who joins them has just had a heavy lunch and is ready to resume the next journey to the heaven of slumber. He thinks this is a brilliant opportunity which should never be missed. The sullen experienced worker, having been pushed by his superior just wishes the projector falls on top of the presenter, as he checks if it is working.

Then a group of people half talking, half laughing come in after 10 mins. They are already 10 mins late, but then, they are the superiors if you don’t mind. They are supposed be late. Ya, you guessed right. They are the Chief guests in this case. They come there dawdling, trying hard to remember what the topic for the session is. The presenter smiles at the Chief of all, wincing in his mind and cursing him, while the group of solemn people, just look on. All this while the Chief in the group is racking his brains, to find who this stupid guy is, who is smiling so benevolently at him. Most of the people other than the juniors there recognize that glazed expression very well, but do not offer to help him in any way. All they feel like doing is throwing him out of the window, for sending out an invite for this dratted session and then forgetting all about it, though he never seems to forget the name of the new attractive new joinee in the team.

After all these pleasantries are over, the session starts and then like a tube light, the light comes on in the Chief’s brain, and he remembers the session and the presenter when he sees the first slide. He surely does not miss the opportunity to show that he found out all about this just by himself, by making such a poor joke on the topic that even the wax structures sitting there, make one of their eyebrows twitch for a second, appalled at his ability to make such a poor joke. And then the presenter starts rambling on the topic, God-knows-what, with a few words in English and a lot of jargon in the quintessential geek language, for which the wax statues alone nod their heads while the Chief tries hard to keep his head from falling off. The new junior is already into his second stage of REM and leaves a short series of snores that the wax statues assume are different ways of showing approval for the session. The superiors try to make most of the time, by watching all the fun, though two of them also slowly get lured by the irresistible temptation of disturbance-less slumber. By around 2.30 all the blood in their body rushes to their stomach trying to digest the big load of food that each of them had taken, and slowly and after yawing heavily, each one succumbs to the sleep that engulfs them. All this while the presenter rambles on and on, until the whole team is but falling off their seats and the wax statue’s heads are almost on the verge of falling off their heads due to excessive nodding for each jargon the presenter uses.

At last, after about an hour the presenter reaches the last slide that has the most dangerous missile in the techy world. ‘? Questions’. He says, ‘Ya. So any questions?’ . That becomes the wake-up call for all the team members who slowly arise from the deep slumber praising the presenter for doing a good job in the lullaby a.k.a session he just took. But at the fourth word they all gawk at each other, like hens trapped inside a basket. In the meantime, somebody nudges the Chief and he awakes to find a whole team gaping at him. He slowly turns his head to the white board and finds that terrifying symbol ‘?’ staring at him. But being a person who has met many such odds in the long sloppy journey to the present position, he faces the challenge by talking about something which not even remotely related to the topic the way Harbhajan is of hugging Andrew Symonds, or Aishwarya Rai is to acting. Everyone just continues to gape at him awe-struck at his foolishness, while he revels in all the attention. After a few more minutes of extreme torture the group slowly starts shifting their positions to indicate that they have had enough. The new junior now awake and alert is also ready to move on. The wax statues are on the verge of becoming human. Sensing danger the Chief formally declares the end of the session. And the group slowly disperses. The wax statues eagerly move on to continue their interrupted work, the chief to continue his ogling.

And so a session comes to an end!

What do you think?

Disclaimer: This post is an absolute ridiculous rant. Readers discretion is advised. (Read at your own risk)

...... Sometimes you just sit there staring into the space with unseeing eyes. (Ofcourse there is always going to be someone who waves infront of you, and brings you out of whatever train of thought was going on.. ). But believe me, then is when we really start thinking, in between the short pauses and sudden lulls in the conversation. In a noisy bus with one guy leaning over you, and 3 other fat ladies trying to make a sandwich-burger combination. You just let go, and you stare straight into the space.

At exactly that moment, you might think about what you really were aiming at, but slowly you move into the state, when you start thinking what you really are.. what you really mean here.. what you would want yourselves to be.

Of course, these are the most difficult answers and yes, just when you try to understand yourselves, the lady who tried to be the topmost bread in the sandwich shouts something to the lady in the far end of the bus, jerking the 10 ppl around her out of their sleep. And there goes the train of thought, to the next station leaving you right there..

Then, it all starts all over again.

But then, when you have a great chat with some of your friends and share everything you ever wanted to, it seems more clear. But, even then.. you just never get there.. never get it..

That is the real mystery of Life..

I never knew..

I never knew leaves fall
I never knew a breeze can turn into a blizzard
I never knew rains could be acidic
I never knew every breath could be a struggle
I never knew the earth could tremble
I never knew the sands always get washed away
I never knew the lonely worm gets picked anyway

I never knew what was coming
I never knew when it went
I never knew what I would be
I never knew what I am

Ah,
I never knew sun shines through clouds
I never knew trees danced with the breeze
I never knew the sea whispers secrets of life
I never knew that panacea was a child's smile
I never knew a grandma's touch was the softest that you longed for
I never knew that the birds sing the sweetest song
I never knew a butterfly was so colourful

Until I did.

A New Beginning

A new year, a new place, and a new blog!

I must say this is the first time so many news things are happening to me. Well.. so what was I going to write about? Ah.. yes! Nope! This is not about the philosophy of the newness of a new year or if a new thing is really new or just a perception. Just read on.. if you are really patient or really jobless.

Well, on the first day of the new year I shifted into a house, after some 8 odd years of hostel life!
And I already feel as though I'm free, free of cramped spaces in hostels, free from looking at 10-50 odd faces ( depending on the hostel) which keep changing when those faces find new places or new faces find this hostel; free from having to get up early for a glass of milk ( Now if you have completely perforated finger-nails, and teeth that seem to get washed away even as u drink water, you really need that source of calcium); free from eating the same idly-dosa-pongal-idly-dosa routine; free from having to put up with noisy roommates, free, free... free!

Now I know you must be thinking, this girl acts as though she just ran away from a jail! Hostel can be fun too! I agree with you completely on that. But on one point I hate to differ. It is no fun at all, if you have to stay in hostel for 8 odd years of your life. And if by fate all the hostels were not so much fun, if all the hostel wardens you encountered had just been reincarnated from the Jurassic Park, if the TVs in all these hostels were junk where you'd just get the same sun TV-Jaya TV-Kalaignar TV and the like and nothing more. (Till when can you watch the same song or movie again and again?).

One thing that I really missed all these years in a hostel was solitude! There are times when you want to stay away from all the hubbub and have some time alone with you and your thoughts. But in hostels in exactly those times, there will always be a gaggle of girls ( yeah, I meant 'gaggle') bursting in , chatting (more like shouting) about some crap which means a lot only for them. There goes that great effort to find some peace of mind!

So after all these long years in hostels, now that i've moved into a house, I hope I enjoy this change for the better (I hope)!

For those of you who are still here to read this line! Thankee! :D